There were days when I wondered if I'd ever say that again,and mean it. :) But here I am, in my own apartment, peacefully talking to Lysa and Aimy and David and Josh, and not so peacefully contemplating the taking of a fourth village in Tribal Wars. It's war, I can't be peaceful about it, lol...the only thing I'm waiting on is whether I am to go ahead and take an enemy village that I was originally planning on, or if I should take a village belonging to an inactive member of the tribe, to keep that village in the tribe. When the answer comes back in the tribal forum what they want me to do, then I'll do it. I wish my space bar didn't stick so bad on my keyboard, but that's just a random thought. (and one that will repeat itself every time the keyboard sticks) Things are going very well with Tim, he's going to come and see the new apt when he gets back from Florida. That's going to be really cool. :) Well, back to my warlike pursuits on TW, let's go get that village. :D

This is the main hallway on the second floor.



This is the ballroom-facing the mirror.



This is the ballroom-facing the French doors.



This is the studio where portraits of the lord and lady of the house will soon be painted.



This is the ladies parlor and sewing room. -First view as you come through the door.



This is the same parlor, different view.



This is the billiards room. One of the guests stayed late to finish a game. :)



This is the school room for the children.



This is the back hallway on the second floor.



This is the back stairwell on the second floor, leading up to the servant's quarters.





That's all of the second floor. third floor in another post.

This is the house from the outside.



This is the stable and carriage house.



This is the entry hall.



This is the front parlor-first view



This is the same front parlor-second view.



This is the back hallway, leading to the study, the kitchen, the back stairs for the servants, and the formal dining room. It is mostly used by the servants.



This is the study-first view.



This is the study-second view.



This is the kitchen and back stairwell...someone left dirty dishes lying around.





This is the main hallway, for family and guests. It leads to the library and to the formal dining room, and to a small guest bathroom.



This is the guest bathroom.



This is the library.



This is the formal dining room.



That's all the first floor, I'll do the second floor in a second post, because this one will be too long if I don't. :)

Ugh...if there's one thing in life I'm not brave about, it's bugs, lol...well, spiders are ok if they just sit there and don't bother anyone. But this morning there was something in the bathroom, on the edge of the tub and without my contacts in I couldn't tell what it was. Just that it had a lot of legs. I also discovered that it jumps, that's as far as I wanted to go in my observation. It was headed toward me with a single minded determination that I found more than a little alarming. So I dropped my towel on it to confuse it, maybe it will think it's dark and go to sleep...and left a can of bug spray and a note that says "Under the pink towel is a large jumping kind of insect. Possibly a giant cricket. I don't know what it is, really, but it's ugly. Anyone who is brave and kills it has my thanks" So far, no takers...wonder who will be my champion? :D

I've been reading a really good book, it's become one of my favorites, so I keep re reading it. It's one of the books in the Ender's Game series, called Ender's Shadow. The first book, Ender's Game, is about Andrew "Ender" Wiggin, a child who is sent to a Battle School in space to be trained to command ships to fight the enemies of earth. He and the other children in Battle School are military geniuses. The book Ender's Shadow tells the same story in parallel, from the viewpoint of the smallest and youngest of Ender's "army". The little boy, called Bean, because of his small size, is if anything smarter and more complex than Ender as a character. It doesn't show as much in Ender's Game, that he's going to be anything special, or more special than any of the others, but in this book there is a lot revealed about him that is just amazing. What I particularly liked, was watching his character develop throughout the book, the changes that appear so gradually that by the end of the story, he seems almost to be a different person, but is still recognizable as himself, only more so. I've put in a couple of paragraphs from both the beginning and the end of the story to show what I mean.

Excerpt from Ender's Shadow (in chapter 5, Bean is 4 years old at this point)

Sister Carlotta shed tears when she told Bean that it was time for him to leave. Bean shed none.

"I understand that you're afraid, Bean, but don't be." she said. "You'll be safe there, and there's so much to learn. The way you drink down knowledge, you'll be very happy there in no time. So you won't really miss me at all."

Bean blinked. What sign had he given that made her think he was afraid? Or that he would miss her?

He felt none of these things. When he first met her, he might have been prepared to feel something for her. She was kind. She fed him. She was keeping him safe, giving him a life.

But then he found Pablo the janitor, and there was Sister Carlotta, stopping Bean from talking to the man who had saved him long before she did. Nor would she tell him anything that Pablo had said, or anything she had learned about the clean place.

From that moment, trust was gone. Bean knew that whatever Sister Carlotta was doing, it wasn't for him. She was using him. He didn't know what for. It might even be something he would have chosen to do himself. But she wasn't telling him the truth. She had secrets from him. The way Achilles kept secrets.

So during the months that she was his teacher, he had grown more and more distant from her. Everything she taught, he learned--and much that she didn't teach as well. He took every test she gave him, and did well; but he showed her nothing he had learned that she hadn't taught him.

Of course life with Sister Carlotta was better than life on the street--he had no intention of going back. But he did not trust her. He was on guard all the time. He was as careful as he had ever been back in Achilles family. Those brief days at the beginning, when he wept in front of her, when he let go of himself and spoke freely--that had been a mistake that he would not repeat. Life was better, but he wasn't safe, and this wasn't a home.

Her tears were real enough, he knew. She really did love him, and would really miss him when he left. After all, he had been a perfect child, compliant, quick, obedient. To her, that meant he was "good." To him, it was only a way of keeping his access to food and learning. He wasn't stupid.

Why did she assume he was afraid? Because she was afraid for him. Therefore there might indeed be something to fear. he would be careful.

And why did she assume he would miss her? Because she would miss him, and she could not imagine that what she was feeling, he might not feel as well. She had created an imaginary version of him. Like the games of Let's Pretend that she tried to play with him a couple of times. Harking back to her own childhood, no doubt, growing up in a house where there was always enough food. Bean didn't have to pretend things in order to exercise his imagination when he was on the street. Instead he had to imagine his plans for how to get food, for how to insinuate himself into a crew, for how to survive when he knew he seemed useless to everyone. He had to imagine how and when Achilles would decide to act against him for having advocated that Poke kill him. He had to imagine danger around every corner, a bully ready to seize every scrap of food. Oh, he had plenty of imagination. But he had no interest at all in playing Let's Pretend.

That was her game. She played it all the time. Let's pretend that Bean is a good little boy. Let's pretend that Bean is the son that this nun can never have for real. Let's pretend that when Bean leaves, he'll cry--that he's not crying now because he's too afraid of this new school, this journey into space, to let his emotions show. Let's pretend that Bean loves me.

And when he understood this, he made a decision. It will do no harm to me if she believes all this. And she wants very much to believe it. so why not give it to her? After all Poke let me stay with the crew even though she didn't need me, because it would do no harm. It's the kind of thing Poke would do.

So Bean slid off his chair, and walked around the table to Sister Carlotta, and put his arms around her as far as they would reach. She gathered him up onto her lap and held him tight, her tears flowing into his hair. He hoped her nose wasn't running. But he clung to her as long as she clung to him, letting go only when she let go of him. It was what she wanted from him, the only payment that she had ever asked of him. For all the meals, the lessons, the books, the language, for his future, he owed her no less than to join her in this game of Let's Pretend.

Then the moment passed. He slid off her lap. She dabbed at her eyes. Then she rose, took his hand, and let him out to the waiting soldiers, to the waiting car.


***************

I was fascinated by the working of his mind, the way he analyzed everything. He does that pretty much during the whole book, giving some really interesting insights into the way people might think, or what might motivate them. In this part, and through a lot of the first part of the book and some of the middle, he is almost completely in his head. Everything is done for its practicality, and he never really loses that intellectual way of viewing things, but as he goes on, he begins to react in ways that are more in keeping with human behavior and eventually starts to be "more" human, to reveal a greater depth of understanding and feeling than would be expected of most adults, let alone a child.

2nd excerpt from Ender's Shadow (chapter 23, Bean is 6 years old)


On those ships, thought Bean, there are individual men who gave up homes and families, the world of their birth, in order to cross a great swatch of the galaxy and make war on a terrible enemy. Somewhere along the way they're bound to understand that Ender's strategy requires them all to die. Perhaps they already have. And yet they obey and will continue to obey the orders that come to them. as in the famous Charge of the Light Brigade, these soldiers give up their lives, trusting that their commanders are using them well. While we sit safely here in these simulator rooms, playing an elaborate computer game, they are obeying, dying so that all of humankind can live.

And yet we who command them, we children in these elaborate game machines, have no idea of their courage, their sacrifice. We cannot give them the honor they deserve, because we don't even know they exist.

Except for me.

There sprang into Bean's mind a favorite scripture of Sister Carlotta's. Maybe it meant so much to her because she had no children. She told Bean the story of Absalom's rebellion against his own father, King David. In the course of a battle, Absalom was killed. When they brought the news to David, it meant victory, it meant that no more of his soldiers would die. His throne was safe. His life was safe. But all he could think about was his son, his beloved son, his dead boy.

Bean ducked his head, so his voice would be heard only by the men under his command. And then, for just long enough to speak, he pressed the override that put his voice into the ears of all the men of that distant fleet. Bean had no idea how his voice would sound to them; would hear his childish voice, or were the sounds distorted, so they would hear him as an adult, or perhaps as some metallic, machinelike voice? No matter. In some form the men of that distant fleet would hear his voice transmitted faster than light, God knows how.

"O my son Absalom," Bean said softly, knowing for the first time the kind of anguish that could tear such words from a man's mouth. "My son, my son Absalom. Would God I could die for thee, O Absalom, my son. My sons!"

He had paraphrased it a little, but God would understand. Or if he didn't, Sister Carlotta would.

*************

Well, anyway, those might not have been the parts that other people thought were most interesting if they read it, but that's ok. The whole book was good. gah...it's 1:15 and I'm still up...have to go to bed. I'll have to post again at some point to actually say things that are going on in life, but it can wait. I've pretty much used up my quota of mental energy for the night. :)

I haven't been back here for a while, actually just came back to write to Katie and Will and say thank you for my birthday gift. I didn't realize how much things have changed over the last few months. They have changed a lot, and all for the better. I've only been working one job, for one thing, ever since December. That has had multiple good effects, one being of course that I am not exhausted and stressed out all the time, so my blood pressure is under control and I've lost a significant amount of weight. I feel so much better and am more enthusiastic about life now, it's like being a different person. Also, since I've had more time to myself, I've had the opportunity to make some really good new friends, they don't have livejournal, so they wouldn't notice me mentioning their names here, lol, but just for my records when I come back here again in years to come, I will say that Pasi Mantynen and Ma'Moun Faried Ibrahim have been added to my list of closest friends, hope they stay that way always. :) I'm considering dating again, I have met someone who so far is really really nice. We'll see how that goes. Maybe in future years when I go back and read this, then I'll be able to say "look, I wrote this about you on this day", and we'll both laugh about it. Maybe. Life is full of possibilities at the moment, and all of them good. I'm planning to move back to Texas in slightly less than six months now, it's going to be great. Right now, it's only a week left till RT, can't wait to get there! 

Hopefully Thursday I'll get around to it. I need to know some ideas though, on what people want. Katie, call me please and let me know if there is a wish list somewhere for you and Will.

Well, I'm in a much better mood than I was the last couple of times I posted. It was bound to happen sometime. I'm quite reconciled to the fact that Chuck and Kaitlyn are going to be parents, it just took a while to get used to. There are differing opinions on how/why it happened; Chuck's mom believes that Kaitlyn stopped taking her pills on purpose so that she would get pregnant, because she had been saying she wanted to have a baby and Chuck was saying they should wait. Chuck told me that he doesn't believe she stopped taking the pills, just that an antibiotic she was taking at the same time might have interfered with the pill's effectiveness. I've come to the conclusion that it really doesn't matter either way, because I'm going to be leaving at the end of next fall anyway. I wonder if they will be married before then?

It's tempting to keep playing around online instead of going to bed like I ought to do, but I am no stranger to the fact that no matter how wide awake I am before I go to sleep, because it's when I have to wake up that I notice how tired I actually am. So, it's off to sleep with me, and hope for a good day tomorrow.

We went to see it today, me, chuck's mom, and the kids (Ryan, Michael, and Jesse) It turned out to be really good, but it didn't stay with the book at all. What they did keep from the book, they changed and rearranged, and they left out a lot, and a lot of what they put in didn't happen at all. Still, I would recommend it as a good movie for anyone to watch. I enjoyed it. Afterwards, talking about how the book differed from the movie, I got Ryan and Michael determined to read the whole series. I love it when I convert people, lol....argh, my stomach hurts, I wish whoever was in the bathroom would get out so I could have it.

It started out pretty good, I'm not sure where I lost it...if I had to create a journal of it...

7:30-ish a.m.   Got up and walked to get some exercise

8-something or other a.m.  Showered and dressed

somewhere around 9: started laundry and put all the dishes that people had left on the counter in the dishwasher.

about 20 minutes later: got online and played around a bit

not sure when, but it's still morning: started to play the Sims 2

Shortly after beginning to play Sims: Chuck came home, fixed breakfast for everyone, I let him turn my game off so he could listen to winamp while he was cooking.

During breakfast: agreed that it would be fun to have a "movie marathon" watching the Lord of the Rings trilogy.

Directly after agreeing to the movies, agreed to go along on some errands.

After breakfast (probably around 10 or 10:30): preparations for errands began. These included: Chuck-put the seats back in the van, and move the van into a more accessible position for his mom to get into. Me: help mom with putting her boot brace on, get my shoes on, move my car out of the way of the van. All of us-get mom, the wheelchair, and ourselves into the van so we can go. I believe we finally left around noon.

12:07 p.m. I notice the time and think there's still plenty of the day left, so that's ok. We have just started our journey.

12:45 (essentially) we arrive at Soulard Market. This is my first time to see Soulard Market and I am suitably impressed, because I love old buildings.

12:55 p.m. Am slightly less impressed as I begin to realize that the historical authenticity of the building means no air conditioning. It's still pretty cool though, no, not cool as in comfortable temperature, just cool.

Sometime while still there: Have a funnel cake for the first time. It's pretty good, Chuck's mom said it wasn't as good as it was supposed to be, the lady cooked it too long. I said I supposed that meant it wasn't supposed to be crunchy, and she said no, it wasn't.

1:00 p.m. left Soulard Market, thanked the Powers That Be for air conditioning when we got into the van. Beginning to think I'm not so over my cold as I thought I was.

Sometime close to 2:00 p.m. Arrived at Wal-Mart. Didn't buy anything, but I wanted to.

2:30-ish, or sometime close to 3:00 left Wal-Mart and headed to Aldi's (small grocery store) to "pick up a few things"

3-something began shopping at Aldi's.

Some time later, still at Aldi's, the grocery cart now weighs as much as I do.

Still at Aldi's, I can't see over the top of the cart.

Checking out: the grocery total comes to over $150 and I'm glad it's not me paying for it, but I know it's going to be me carrying it in and putting it away.

4:00 p.m. finally put everything into the van and are leaving for home.

5:00 p.m. or shortly after: arrive at home, and begin removing things and people from the van

5:30-ish: Finally done putting things away, and flop down on the couch, after taking headache meds. I never want to move again.

6-something or other: am sent to pick up Chinese food. What the heck, it's being bought for me, I'm not complaining.

7-something: finished eating, can get on computer again. Check email, and discover that I actually don't have enough energy to play the Sims.

Present time: (7:35) debating with self on whether to go on to bed, or to stay up and watch "The Illusionist" which is one of my most favorite movies. I think I'm going to bed.

List up to ten things you've wanted to say to ten people. Do not state who they are.

Mine might seem a bit random, but that's because anyone who is actually here to read them is someone I talk to anyway, so I just go ahead and tell them what I have to say. Also, it may cover more than one person at a time, or a group of people.

1. Sometimes the best revenge is to live well. So there.

2. I would never chosen to be away from you, I fought to keep us together, and lost, but I never stopped caring, and I never stopped asking about you. The years of your life that I have lost are gone forever, it's almost as if you died because I can never get you back the way you were then, but who you have become is someone I will be proud to know when the time is right.

3. What, exactly, were you trying to accomplish by that? I don't think it worked, anyway.

4. What part of "it's really ok to tell me the truth" don't you understand? Ok, we'll do it your way, you can lie, and I'll pretend I'm dumb enough to believe every word, and you'll know I'm only pretending to believe you, and that's sort of the same thing as telling the truth, isn't it? Now I have a headache.

5. Thank you, you were right about everything!

6. No, it's ok, I've already got one.

7. Your mother doesn't work here, clean up your mess!

8. You made me a part of your family when I was far away from mine, you visited me in the hospital, listened to my problems, and you have become my friend. I will miss you.

9. Friends are the family you choose.

10. I'd like to blame you for what I am today, but if I do, then I also give you credit for what I am as well. You made me less trusting, but more perceptive. Fighting you wore away my emotions, but also made me stronger. Your insistence that I had no real value only made me strive harder to prove that I did, and I did prove it--to myself. The life lessons I learned from you were harsh, but they shaped me like a potter shapes his clay, and though I did go through the fire, I came out  again as something--someone---worth having.

I am so glad, I was really tired. So tired that I actually fell asleep at a traffic light on the way to work yesterday morning, which was pretty unnerving. Now I'm rested and about to play the Sims 2, and relax for a bit. Later Chuck's mom and I are going to go out to eat and see a movie. I haven't told any of them that I'm planning to move back to Texas in a year. I think I'm going to tell her today while we are eating. It just seems like the right thing to do, really. I already checked out the licensing requirements for massage therapy in Texas, and they are the same as here. All I have to do is save up money over the next year so that the transition of finding a place to live and continuing to pay bills as I get started in a new job will be an easier one than it would be if it were not well planned. Oh well, off to play Sims!

Actually, I've been back for about a week, at least in the physical sense. It's taking my mind a bit longer to catch up with the rest of me. RT was so much fun, lots of laughs, and it was wonderful to see everyone again. It always goes by so fast! Before I left, I was planning to take notes so that I would remember all the interesting details, but somehow I didn't get around to it. Too busy living it to stop and analyze, I guess, but that's ok. I was in a weird sort of mood all that week anyway, though. It was a good mood, but kind of quiet and dreamy at the same time. I don't think I talked much, but I was having fun listening and just being with my friends. Now I can't wait till next year, to do it again!

Time seriously flies, I can't believe it was over a year ago that I was last here.  So much has changed in that amount of time, I've got a new massage job, at Massage Envy. It's so much better than the old job, they treat the therapists better, and they pay us on time too! What more could I ask? Things have changed at the gas station since then, Steve (who did not, in fact, obey my warnings that day) is long gone, both from the job and unfortunately from this world. I wasn't fond of the guy, but I wouldn't have wished harm to him. My friend Missy is not the manager there, my other friend Gretchen has been the manager for about a year now. She does a great job, as does our assistant manager Jessi. They are a lot of fun to work with, funny though that when I last posted here, I'd never met either of them, and now it feels like I've known them forever. I went to RT in Daytona last year, and also to Evan and Tamara's wedding in Cocoa Beach, and now I'm getting ready for RT in Houston. It's fun and exciting to plan for the trip, however, I do think I will relax a bit more when I know for sure that I have all the money together and that nothing is going to go wrong. It will be fine, I worry every year, and it's always ok. Katilian, if you are reading this, thank you and Will very very much for my late Christmas/early birthday gifts! I love the cd, was listening to it in the car, and I will try the game later on today. I am going to try to call you later in the afternoon when I think you are home. Hopefully I'll get in touch with you. Well, that's all for now, I am thinking, I'll probably have more to say when I go to RT, all the interesting stuff happens there.

To Self:

Dear Me,
I think that you have a lot to do today, things you wanted to get done between work and work. I'm a little foggy on what the exact nature of those things might be, but whatever they are, do please get them done, would you? They are probably important.
Love,
Me

To Steve The Coworker From Hell

Dear Steve,
I am going to be working with you today. The key word here being "with"...I probably will not have much patience today, for a number of reasons, so if you try to abandon me to work by myself like you did to Missy yesterday, or if you whine, complain, curse, or are abusive in any way, I shall probably stuff you into the garbage can. Or better yet, I shall stuff you into a box and mail you somewhere, with a label that reads "Defective--please send one that works" Just thought you ought to know.
No Love,
Me

To The Universe

Dear Universe,
I would like to have a good day today, if that's all right with you. I didn't have one yesterday really, so I don't think I would really be overdoing it to have one today, you know? Don't tell me I'm doing this for me, it's supposed to be a surprise...no particular reason, I just thought I'd enjoy it. Thank you in advance for considering my request, and you have a nice day too.
Sincerely,
Me



To Self Again

Dear Me,

Go to work. You're late.
Love,
Me

bleh...I'm in a better mood than I have been at most of the noticeable points of the day, due to the fact that I just ordered my massage chair online for RT. The day started off fairly promising, or so I thought, I was awakened by my cell phone beeping because Missy was texting me to ask if I was coming up to see her at work. I said I was, and took a shower and got ready to go. It had been supposed to snow, a lot, they were expecting six to eight inches, no one was looking forward to going anywhere, etc. When I went outside, however, although it had snowed, it had not come anywhere near what had been predicted. The air outside was almost warm, and although there was some snow on the ground, it had already begun to melt, and the few snowflakes that remained in the air floated around with the sort of studied nonchalance that one might notice in a student who has found that he has entered the wrong classroom by mistake and is trying to look as though he belongs there. When I got there, I found out that Steve the coworker from hell had left her there by herself, because he said he didn't feel good, had stomach cramps or something. I stayed around and helped her out a bit, but I ended up leaving because Chuck was being grumpy at me for going up there, when he was off work too, and he had wanted to go to the movies. He hadn't told me that, and since the decision to not go in to work was made in the wee hours of the morning, when I was sleeping, and my plans for everything else I was doing today had been made days before...well, you get the idea. Actually when I went up there this morning, I had been planning on coming back and doing something with him, after all, why not, we were both off work. But he was already pissed off, and nothing but nothing was going to deprive him of his little snit. Fine, who cares anyway. I tried to make things right, and was being as reasonable as a person can be who is confronted with being told that nothing she does is right, I didn't even get mad or upset, except afterwards and I didn't say anything about that. The only thing I'm really annoyed with is that 1. he didn't mention wanting to do anything till I had already told Missy I would come up there. 2. I said I would get back quickly and he told me not to bother, and he didn't do anything to make me think he still wanted to go. 3. while I was up there, he called me just to tell me that since I wasn't there to go to the movies, he wasn't going to get to go, and he wouldn't be there when I got back. (starting arguments is something he obviously enjoys) 4. he wouldn't listen when I tried to explain why I was still there, and called me a liar because of well...I can't really remember, it's all kind of mixed up, but he did call me one anyway. 5. He hung up on me twice. I hate that. 6. When I got home, he wouldn't allow me to make peace in any way. and 7. to the best of my knowledge he is still sulking. ...ok, so there wasn't an ONLY thing that was bothering me, but still, I think I have a right to be kind of pissed off now too. Everytime I think maybe it would be possible to work out a relationship of sorts with him, because he has spent a certain amount of time acting human, he always does something to remind me why I think it's pretty much impossible. I am never getting into another relationship again. I promise me that. In the meantime, I've managed to find some peace and enjoyment in talking to Lysa and Aimy, and playing around with Gaia...and ordering my massage chair. It's hard to feel loved on a day like this sometimes, but it helps having friends (and sisters) to talk to. If there was anything else I was going to say, I don't remember it, so I'll make this the end of my little rant, and move on to the next thing. whatever that is.

I really enjoyed today...I slept in longer than I thought I was going to, but that was probably good, I'm sure the sleep was just what I needed anyway. Then I was not feeling particularly motivated, so it was almost 11:00 when I finally left the house to run errands, needless to say, only one errand actually got done. Fortunately it was the important one, which was mailing Mom's birthday present. The really good thing is that it is going to arrive on the actual day of her birthday. I tend to be late about a lot of things, so this was a real accomplishment. About the time I arrived at the post office, I started getting calls and text messages...first a call from Chuck because I had forgotten we were going to eat lunch, then when I was trying to call him back, I got a text message from Missy because she had expected me to show up earlier because I said I would stop by work and talk to her for a while, and I was supposed to go and see her new apartment too. So since Chuck wasn't answering his phone, when I tried to call him back, I started to text back to Missy, and right before I sent the message, Chuck called back, so I started to answer the phone, and then Missy text messaged me again...I actually sort of screamed...well, it was more a squeak of frustration. We finally got it all straightened out though. It was almost 8:00 before I got home though, and got online. I almost missed an im from Emmanuel, but he was still online when I got here, then he disappeared on me...Now I'm tired. I don't think I want to go to work tomorrow, but I have a feeling I'm going to go anyway. Not that I really had a choice in the matter. Poor Bandit, he was outside and I forgot about him, well, I wasn't the one who let him out, but still...he should of barked or something, at least that would have got my attention. Bleh..I think it's time for me to get some sleep.

...but I never do what I'm supposed to do, anyway, so it doesn't matter really. I actually didn't end up getting the alignment for the tires, I showed up, but it was going to take too long so I would not make it to Earth City for the onsite on time, so I rescheduled. Called Katie like I said I would, things are not going well. I hope to do better at keeping in touch, at least through livejournal, if not by phone, but I'm planning on being a better phone correspondent than I have been...work is crazy busy, non-stop most of the time. I'm wishing for a break, at least for a slow night once or twice, but so far it hasn't happened. I'm getting really hyped about RT, because it is getting closer to time. I have all the registration and hotel room reserving done, and am currently saving up for the massage chair I want to get. I wish I could remember half of the things I always think I'm going to say once I get here, but by the time I get anywhere near a computer, my mind is blank already because I'm tired. Maybe when I am back here on Tuesday (day off) then I'll have more to say.

Well, not all of it has been bad, I got a letter from my mom last night, which made me very happy, and I actually did get my cell phone bill paid, and get two new front tires for my car, alignment to be performed at 3:00 this Thursday, barring incident. There had better be no incident. That means that Steve the coworker from hell cannot weasel his way into getting out of work first, otherwise I will never make it. Then I have to hope it is done quickly, because I forgot that I had volunteered to be Muriel's replacement at the ABF onsite from 4 to 6, and it's a pretty long drive from House Springs to Earth City where the onsite is. Anyway, after getting the tires done, I came home to settle in an relax and enjoy the rest of my day off, and right when I pulled into the driveway, I remembered that I had agreed to go to the Butler Hill gas station, where Missy's mom works, and get Chuck one of the prepaid cell phone cards, and that I was supposed to get toilet paper, and also stop at the library and get some extra tax forms so that I could have a copy of my taxes before I sent them off. So when I got home (a couple of hours later) I tried to make a new layout page for my profile on myspace...it didn't work. I don't know why, but I couldn't view all of the screen. It's probably something really stupid that anyone else would have thought of or already knew how to fix easily, but *shrugs* I just don't know, I'm completely lost. So I got on gaia, and now not only is my avatar messed up (still), but also everything is shut down. So I decided to join Lysa and Aimy in playing runescape, and the comp won't let me install the missing plugins. I'm going to try to call my sister tonight. I hope my cell phone works.

eh...that wasn't going to be the original subject line, but since it's what I'm about to do, then...well...yeah. Ok, well, things did get somewhat better, not laid off work, in the process of getting the insurance thing done, got all the pay from paychecks and also got paid for my last onsite. (which was before christmas, at the very closest, might have been even longer)

in other news I have the afternoon off. still planning for RT, and I'm tired. Oh well, got to go...

It will, it really will...and I'll keep telling myself that. Well, I finally got registered for RT, and got the room reserved, and it is going to be a suite, as promised, so that much is accomplished. I also have to hurry up and get my malpractice insurance for work at the galleria because if it isn't in by monday at 2:00 then the therapists who don't have it are laid off till they do. Not that I haven't been trying to get the insurance, because I always intended to do it, but as with everything, it costs money. $99.00 to be exact. When they first sent us the letter, my paycheck needed to go for my car payment, so I couldn't do it then. Now I have the money, but first when I tried to fax the form after I had filled it out, then it turned out that our fax machine won't send things long distance, so I had to wait till the next day and try to fax it at the bank. The next day being a Saturday, the banks close at noon, so since there wasn't enough time for me to leave and go there from work, then I sent it with Missy when she went to do the deposit, and then they were so busy when she went and it was so close to closing time that she didn't ask them to fax it after all, so I still have to wait till Monday to even send it out. Paychecks were a day late, so I didn't get to deposit my paycheck yet, and then when I got it and opened it, I found out that the new lady who is in charge of doing the payroll had messed it up really bad, I got shorted about 20 hours or more. I was PISSED...still am. Everyone's check was messed up, not just mine, I'm pretty sure they will fix the mistake, but when is another question. The only reason that there is a new person doing the payroll is because the lady who used to do it, Jessica quit. The reason she quit? Because the boss cut her hours so that he could give himself a raise. There were probably other reasons for quitting too, that I don't know about, but I do know that one. What makes that even worse is that she is his stepdaughter, so if he would do that to family, then how are his employees supposed to expect fair treatment? And where does he get the idea that it is ok to say everyone has to have that insurance that costs $99 within three days, and two of those days are Saturday and Sunday, when you can't get anything done anyway, and if they don't, then they are laid off, which means it would be even harder to get money, and then make the paychecks a day late and a whole week short? I can see my mood is going to suck for the rest of the day. I can't wait for RT, so that I can get a break from all of this. *sigh* with my luck, I'll come back to find out that there isn't a company anymore. At least I have my license, and I'll have (damned expensive) insurance, so I can go and work anywhere, but what really sucks is that I LIKE this job. I love the people I work with, and my customers, and I even like being in the mall. I hope things settle down, but I should probably have been expecting this, because the company seems to go in cycles, up for a while, and down for a while. We've had a nice long "up" period, I guess we were about due for a "down" one. But the timing sucks, as usual.

Everything is moving so quickly, and I'm not sure if I'm keeping up. I have to get ready for work now, and it seems like I just got back from there, well, I did, last night, but I was so wiped out that I went straight to bed and was unconscious the moment I hit the pillow and didn't wake up till the alarm went off, and then got a shower and got on here as fast as I could, but there were over 700 emails since I hadn't been on since Wed night. *sigh* It is snowing though, I love snow. I hate the cold, but I love snow. How's that for an anomaly? Or whatever. Anyway, if I don't start getting ready now then I'm going to be late, and I"m the one who has to open, so I had better get moving. I can't wait for RT, because then I'll get a break.

Two of those are my favorite things...I am so mad at myself, because I was sitting down at the comp last night, and I had a drink in my hand, and I set it down, but I knocked it over and it spilled all over me and the keyboard. Then this morning, the space key wouldn't work right, it kept getting itself confused with the "enter" key, and then later on it wouldn't work at all. While I was on my comp, I was typing_like_this_to_put_spaces_in_my_sentences. It worked, but I wouldn't want to have to do that permanently, and besides it looks a bit silly. I think that a lot has been happening, lately, but I can't think what. Oh yeah, we're planning for RT already. I tried to register, but the online registration didn't work, so I emailed the lady who is in charge of it, and she emailed me back that if she could call me then she could get all my info, so I'm waiting for her to call. Also, I was talking with Lysa and Diana about hotel arrangements, and Lysa and I think we should go with the regular quad, because it has two queen sized beds, and all the amenities really that we are going to need because we don't spend that much time in the rooms anyway. Besides, the deposit for a suite is $299 and I would have to pay that along with my registration fee, and I'd really rather not pay that much all at once. I had enough already for the regular room, but I would need a lot more for that, and I still have to keep in consideration all the things that are already coming out of that account, and the fact that I still need to be saving up for the actual trip. Anyway, I'm excited, it's all going to come together and work out just fine, I'm sure of it. I also need to buy a massage chair, because I really want to be completely prepared this time. It worked out fine last year, but I want this year to be even better.

Well, I got half a day off, because I only had to work at the gas station today. I ended up getting out early too, because Missy and I were going to go to her sister's house so that I could meet her sister and also her new almost boyfriend, Shane. Anyway, I was originally supposed to be working by myself and it was Steve's day off. (Fine with me, he drives me crazy...Missy says he is the only person she has ever seen me get mean about/to, and still she agrees that he deserves it. More on that later.) Anyway, since he was three and a half hours late yesterday, Steve came in and asked if he could work for a while today to make it up, so Missy let him, and asked him to stay till 2:00 so that I could get off at 1:00 and we could go and get something to eat before going to her sister's house. He did, but he ended up getting himself and her in trouble by smoking up by the counter, and no one is supposed to smoke anywhere except in the very back of the office/back room, by the cooler doors. It just so happened that the owner's sister came in, and saw him doing it, and she called and told the owner about it, and he called Missy and was like, "How close are you to work?" and she said she was there, and he asked where Steve had been smoking at, and she said she didn't know because she had just got there. We had just got done eating, and came back so that I could get my car and she could follow me out to my house and then we would both ride in her car to her sister's house. Well, anyway, Missy gave Steve a good chewing out and told him that Gary had said that anyone caught smoking anywhere near the front would be automatically fired, and that if someone else got fired because he had drawn the owner's attention to that particular subject, it was going to be on him, because he is the one who didn't think and broke the rules so blatantly. I don't really want anyone to lose their job, not really, but I can't help wishing that he would just get fired and be done, because he is the kind of person who will come into a job three hours late, and still have the audacity to ask if he can leave an hour early. (that happened yesterday) he is always asking to leave early, and he has been late a lot. Then when he is there, he is never where he is supposed to be, he is hanging on the phone, smoking outside or in the back room, or if he is actually present front and center, then he is constantly interrupting conversations between the customers and whoever is working with him. He doesn't even join the existing conversation, he starts a completely new one all of his own, that has nothing whatsoever to do with what was going on, and since he has done it to me and Missy both, we both got on to him about it. She outright told him to shut up, and he was like, "excuse me? I was talking!" and she said, "no, I was talking and YOU interrupted MY conversation, and I don't appreciate it." He was like, "oh, you were talking? I didn't know that, my bad." *growls* He can be so annoying, it is just unreal. Well, anyway, off that subject, ...I went with Missy and met her sister Tiffany, who is very nice, and I met Shane, Missy's new boyfriend, sort of. He is also very nice. I completely approve of him. I like Tim, the husband she just split up with, but he wasn't right for her, and I think Shane is. I also got to meet her three year old niece Adriana, and her baby nephew Quentin. They were adorable! It was fun to play with little ones again, and they weren't a bit shy. It reminded me of when Will, Joy, and Sara were little. I miss that. Well, I guess that is going to be all for now, if I missed anything, then I'll catch up with it tomorrow, or something like that. I'm pretty tired, and plan to go to bed early.

Yep, I finally did it, sat down in front of the comp, (2 weeks after the original insurance expired of course) and looked up car insurance and got myself insured! Well, I'm simplifying the process a bit, leaving out the bits where I had to run out to my car three times looking for info that I didn't know they would need. Did I mention it's cold out? It is. Very. My toes are still froze...as are my fingers, and that was hours ago. I guess it's just cold in here. I've been playing with Gaia Online with Lysa and Aimy, it's really cool. I'm hungry. Completely random thought, but it wanted to be expressed. I'm starting to wonder if I took my Ritalin today, but I know I did, I just need to go and get a snack of some kind. I'll get right on that. Philosophical question...does vanilla fudge left over Christmas and forgotten for a month in the refrigerator have the same amount of calories as it did when it was part of the festivities? Too late, I already ate it. I get to go to my Wicca class in about an hour or so. I'm excited! It was really fun last time, but I think I'm going to take one of the booster ritalin so that I'll be able to focus.

Something weird happened at work yesterday, massage job, not gas station, although I have a good one for the gas station too. There is this one client, who comes in and he always wants a female therapist for a table massage. Now that part isn't as creepy as it sounds, because some people just prefer a certain gender, there are women who prefer to have a female therapist, and men who prefer to have a male, so that isn't the trouble. The trouble is, this man is just creepy. Period. Every one of us female type therapists has worked on him once, and he just gives off that vibe, and stuff...well, anyway, the last time he was there, before last night when I got him, I mean, Lynn had him, and he pooped all over himself. Well, not exactly while he was on the table, but they said he was having gas like crazy they whole time she was working on him, and then he asked to use our bathroom, and came out yelling that he needed more paper towels, and then Larry said that he was yelling at Muriel and everybody, and being really verbally abusive. So, anyway, I got stuck with him yesterday, and when I was working on his leg, (we do fully clothed table massages) he said "is your hand under my pants? it feels like your hand is under my pants." I was like "eeewwww!" ok, now that's just gross, for a number of reasons. Andrew was right behind me, and he was horrified, he was whispering, "Mary, did he just say that you had your hand in his pants?" I just kind of gave him a shrug and "help me" look, and he went out and told everyone else. In the meantime, I moved back to doing his back pretty damn quick, and then he had the nerve to ask me to go back and do his legs again..I was like, "uh uh, no way", so after it was done, this guy asked me if he could take me home with him, now I know he was kidding, but the way he was talking before, and the way he has talked to the other female therapists, just made it all kinds of wrong. So anyway, when I went out there, Emmanuel and Larry were all like, "he can't be talking to you girls like that", and I agreed. Fortunately, our owner, Sid, came to the store to pick up the deposits and drop off some supplies, so we told him all about it. He said we don't have to accept that particular client anymore. I'm so glad, it will make a huge difference in my stress levels.

The interesting thing that happened at the gas station is that the resident ghost made itself known in a pretty big way the other day. Garrett was the only one there, and he was sitting in the office, at the desk, adding up his paperwork, and a roll of toilet paper (for use on runny noses, as we all have colds) that was sitting up on the time clock "jumped" off rolled across the floor and hit his foot. There was no one else in the store, and it was sitting well back on the time clock. Missy and I and Garrett watched the video tape and saw it just sitting there one minute, and then the next it looks like someone taps it and sends it flying, and then we see Garrett jumping up from the chair and going out to look to see who did it, and the store was empty and no one was in the parking lot. That was a cool start to the day, to be sure.

Well I just got back from my Wicca class. It was great, but now I seem to be signed out of yahoo messenger and unable to sign back in..what's up with that? Very weird, going to have to restart the comp, probably, who knows.

and that is exactly what this is, well, with the exception of the fact that I promised myself I would clean out my car and get an oil change today. I really must do both of those things, no excuses or putting things off. I was just reminded about having to get car insurance again. I keep forgetting that. I think it's psychological, or something. I'd better get on with it though. *sigh* Dammit. Fortunately, I got RT partially paid for, I have a sense of accomplishment there. Yesterday was a weird mix of good stuff and extremely stressful stuff, upon which I will elaborate more later, because right now, there are things that I'm supposed to be doing and am not yet. *smacks self in head* "go clean out your car right now, I mean it!" *grumbles* "Ok, ok, I'm going..."

This cold is lingering, I think the only thing more determined than a head cold is a combination chest cold/head cold. Guess which one I have. I'm going to get well. I just don't know when. Life has been unusual for the last week or so. Much of it has sucked--a lot. Like the whole being sick thing. That started out gradually on Monday, but I think it got accelerated when Andrew gave me a massage, because he figured out that what is wrong with my shoulder isn't really the shoulder itself, but that my bottom right rib (the one that has made that weird thumping feeling a lot of the time) is totally out of place. He was able to palpate it, and move it back into place. This was a rather intense experience, some might have called it painful. I did. On the other hand it worked. The shoulder pain is gone, and he said that he can repeat that as many times as necessary, whenever it gets out of place again. However, working that deeply pushed all the toxins (and the gestating cold) through my system a whole lot faster, and so it hit harder. I woke up Tuesday morning with a temp of 100.3, and was coughing all day. I had to go to work on Wednesday, no matter what, so I did, but I was still just as sick. I didn't feel any better when I got the news that my favorite sales guy from Sunset Ford had his last day with the company the day before, while I was at home, sick. I guess I was just lucky that he told Missy, or I wouldn't know anything at all. She asked him if he had told me, and he said he couldn't have, because he had only just found out that day, because the first was supposed to have been his last day, but the bosses said why not make today your last day, and he did. He could have told me about the first too, maybe he was going to, when it happened. Anyway, he told her that he would come back up there to see me, and she made him promise, but I don't know if he really ever will. A lot more has happened too, like twice in the last few days I've had guys just give me their phone numbers, completely unasked for and unexpected. I"m not going to do anything about that. I'm confused. I think I'm going to bed. yeah...that's what I'm going to do...

I am going to try anyway. First I was going to say thank you to everyone...Lysa, Aimy, Maida, Sheila, Diana, Rose...hope I didn't miss anyone, having a stuffy head and fever seem to be affecting my thought patterns...not that they were so very orderly in the first place. I loved the Christmas cards, and I love the two books that Maida sent me! :)(adding to the general confusion is a certain terrier pup named Bandit who feels a need to be the center of everything, so he keeps jumping up between me and the keyboard) I'm sick. Not enjoying it. I hope I will be better tomorrow, but somehow I am doubting it. I'll probably be going to bed soon. I've done that a lot today.

I did most of what I set out to do today, and I am really proud of myself. Now if I'll just go and get all the packages off the bed so I can get some sleep...I got to see Narnia today, and it was awesome! I totally loved it! I'd write more, but I'm really tired and have an early start in the morning, and the day will be long because we don't close at the Galleria till 11, and it takes me so long to get home. The whole week is going to be like that. Oh well..Katie, when you read this, I know what I want for Christmas now.

Wish list for me...
1. Harrowing Dragons (book, fantasy)
2. The Sims 2 Holiday Edition

That's pretty much it. *hugs* hope you like what I got you too! :)

Christmas is next week and I haven't shopped. Not even a little bit. It's too early to be up, particularly on a day that I have resolved to stick to my diet. I didn't get to go to bed til midnight, because the mall is staying open til 11:00 this week. grrrr...people had just better not mess with me today, really. I mean it. I got a ticket for speeding yesterday, and some people were annoying, and that was when I DID get enough sleep. Katie, if you are around anywhere, I still need that "wish list" for Christmas gifts. *sigh* yesterday was Joy's birthday, she is 13 now. Sara's birthday was on the 2nd, and she is 11 now. I hope they are doing ok, current circumstances being what they are...damn I'm grumpy today. Maybe I should start the whole diet thing tomorrow. I'm late for work too.

We were meant to open doors
And we were meant to face the danger
Never knowing what's in store
And never having met a stranger
One of us is big and brave
And one of us is tenderhearted
One of us is tempting fate
And the last but not the least of us
has faith enough for each of us.

And I know
That I could never go it alone
Cause I believe
I'd be lost without you here beside me

It's like daylight
At midnight
It's my favorite dream where nothing's
really as it seems
Don't wake me
Just take me
Take me by the hand and I will believe.

We have always been protected
Little ones should run and hide
But we expect the unexpected
When love arrives and calls us all inside
And I know
That even when the wind blows
I'll be fine
Cause you and I will get by till Springtime

Don't close your eyes I'm right beside you
Don't be afraid, I'm never far
You and I were always meant to
Wake the dreamers from the dark
Come out, come out, wherever you are

Now that I've shared that bit of intriguing news...well, more exciting things than that have been happening, if I could remember all of them to tell about. I've been working almost around the clock for the past couple of weeks. Not that I mind, actually I enjoy it. Tips have been really really good lately at the massage job. I got a $40 tip last night. Very cool things were happening yesterday. I was going to be in a kind of grumpy and "blah" sort of mood, but it turned around, and got so much better. First, I saw one of my favorite customers at the gas station, who I hadn't seen in about a week, and that was a good cheering up experience. Then when I got to work at the Galleria, I got one good tipping customer right away, and then one customer who I really like, (good tipper, very nice, not bad looking either) and almost never get to work on because I have the absolute worst timing in the world and have always just started someone else when he comes in was there and he decided to wait for me this time. That was a first! He has always just gone on to whoever was next, but this time he actually waited for me! I think it is because a couple of weeks ago, he came in and it was kind of close to closing time, and I was already working on someone, and Cathy had gone to take the trash down, so when he asked about the wait, I said that she would be back in about five minutes, and that I would be done in about ten, so if he wanted to go ahead with Cathy when she got there, my feelings wouldn't be hurt, and if by any chance, he wanted to wait for me, then that would not hurt my feelings one bit either. He ended up going with Cathy, because it was already ten after nine and we closed at nine thirty, but he said he would get me the next time for sure. Well, the next time he came in, I had just started a thirty minute, so we said hi, and maybe next time. The next time he came in, I had just started a 45 minute table massage, once again no luck. That was day before yesterday. So yesterday he came in, and I still had ten minutes to go on the massage I was doing, because the client had originally asked for a ten minute, and then asked to extend it to a twenty minute. I was expecting that, because he does that a lot, and he tips well enough that I am quite happy to oblige. But I had a list of predictions going there, because I had seen my often missed favorite walk past the store, so I had a feeling that he would be coming in at some point. The list of predictions was this. My client that I was working on was going to ask for another ten minutes. Shortly after that, Mick would come in, and I would be tied up for another ten minutes and then he would go to someone else. Everything went exactly as I had pictured it, except that instead of going to someone else, he waited. I couldn't have predicted that one, because the probabilities just weren't high enough. So anyway, I was happy about that. Then I got Larry's client Tom, (because Larry is still gone on vacation) and he got a foot rub as well as a table massage, and then instead of the usual $20 tip, (which is quite wonderful enough on it's own) he gave me a $40 tip. I was overjoyed. I really need the money I'm earning now. Also I get to see The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe on Sunday, my friend Andrew and I are ggoing to see it. Three cheers for Narnia! It snowed last night, but it didn't stick. I got the full benefit of it, because I was driving home from Dar's house (we were gaming) at around 2:30 in the morning. If I hadn't been following Tim, because he was showing me an easier and safer way to go than the way I usually take, I don't know if I would have made it home very easily, because the roads were covered, and the snow was the dusty kind that blows everywhere and makes it so you can't see. There's a staff meeting for Suite tonight, online, I am looking forward to it, I've never been to an online meeting before. Then later tonight, I'm gaming again, but I'll have to leave kind of early, because I work at six in the morning. I am going to be very tired. It should not be so cold in here, what did they do, turn off the heater? I'm going to have to check that out, I'm freezing my rear end off here. Seriously.

Your inner beast is a Lion. Your fierce side is
shown gracefully.

~The Good~ You're Noble, Gracious, Knowledgeable,
etc...

~The Bad~ You are sometimes Controlling, Aloof,
Condescending, etc...

~People On Your Good Side~ Bask in a feeling of
protection and privilege.

~People On Your Bad Side~ Receive the cold shoulder
and perhaps a casual insult from time to time.


Your Inner Beast
brought to you by Quizilla

Tomorrow is Sara's b-day, and I don't have her presents yet! *panics* Ok, it is going to be all right, I called Katie and left a message that I need wish lists for Sara and Joy, because Joy's b-day is on the 16th. I was focused on Christmas presents, and I overlooked the fact that their b-days are before Christmas. I do that every time. Fortunately I always remember. I want to get them things that they really want though, so I have to know what they are asking for. I don't know if anything else interesting will happen today, but suddenly remembering that I need to do something about the girls' birthdays was excitement enough for two or three days.

I was just asking "why does it seem so much later than 5?" when it was 5, that is...um...because it's dark? yeah..that is a very good reason. I'm hungry too. Just thought everyone ought to know that. They might be wondering, you never know...somewhere in the world, someone is sitting quietly and wondering if I am hungry. Ok, probably not. Well, anyway, lots of things have been happening over the last few days, but as usual I'm not entirely coherent enough to tell it right, but I'll give it a shot anyway. Saturday I worked both jobs, gas station and Galleria. The most excitement happened at the gas station, because Missy and I had to put out a fire that got started when someone threw a still burning cigarette into the wood chips that are surrounding our sign. I wouldn't have known that it was there before it was too late, but a customer who had just left the store pulled his truck up beside the window and started waving and pointing, and when I looked, there it was...a small-campfire sized fire. We had to get buckets and big cups and carry water out to put it out, and still try to run the registers at the same time. It was crazy. We still had time to play "quarters" though, Missy was teaching me last Saturday, and we had so much fun that now we do it all the time, of course we can't drink while we are doing it, but it's still fun. At the Galleria I finally found out where the off-site parking is for employees for the holiday season. Cathy suggested that I ride with her to her car on the shuttle, and then she could drive me back to my car, that way I'd be able to see where the parking place was, and also the pick up area for the shuttle. That worked out well, so now I don't have to deal with the parking issues that I did last year...it was awful...I won't even go into it. *sigh of relief* this year will be so much easier. Sunday was relatively uneventful. I don't remember a bit of it. Well, much, anyway. I've been sick too, so that doesn't help to uncloud my mind much. Colds suck. I think I've said that before. Monday was great, one of the best days I've had in a while. Everyone around me was in a good mood, and so was I. At the gas station, anyway. There was this one guy who came in and he said he was from Korea, that he was a captain in the army there, and he was visiting his parents for the holidays. He was flirting with me like crazy, and I have to say I didn't mind one bit. Then he showed me his army id photo and asked if I thought he looked "hot" in the pic...I was in a good mood and he really was pretty nice looking, so I looked at the pic and then smiled at him and said, "yep, just about as hot as in person!" That made him really happy, he gave a great big smile and a wink and said "thanks baby!" He was so hyped after that that he dropped his change and I had to give it back to him. I think he was just happy to be back in the U.S. and seeing his family. That can make anyone hyper. Today was less eventful in that area, but it was certainly noticeable in others. We were crazy busy today. I was totally slammed all morning, and running the register by myself. This one man who came in kept buying hundreds of dollars of lottery tickets at a time. By the end of the day I had $529.00 in lottery. Amazing. I think that broke my previous record...if I had one...and knowing me, I did. Anyway, now I'm home and have been talking to Lysa, Aimy, Andrei, and Don...I can't tell if Andrew is online or off, because he's always logged in. I figure that anything I really need to say can be said tomorrow night when we work together. I do need to know if he's gaming though tomorrow night, and it would be best to know before tomorrow actually happens, so I might just go ahead and ask him. If I get any more energy that is..I think I used it all up typing this post. Oh well, still hungry...I need to find something to eat. Either that, or go to bed. Both sound promising, maybe I should flip a coin or something. Food or sleep. which one...which one...I want to go and see the new Harry Potter movie, and The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. Random ramblings, brought on by television commercials.

Colds suck. I know it's a cold because we didn't have any cold medicine at the gas station, so I took allergy medicine to see if it would do the same thing, because the symptoms of colds and allergies are the same, (runny nose, stuffy head, sneezing, etc.)...the answer to that was a very definite NO. I spent most of the day sneezing at people and trying not to sniffle too obviously. Fortunately it was a slow day. Unfortunately I didn't see Adam. Drat. Well, I was kind of expecting that, because I think he's out of town again, like last week, and that he will be back again in the morning. I hope that's the way it is. If not, then I may have to resign myself to forgetting all about everything and diverting my interest elsewhere. (and again I say drat...drat, drat, drat...) then again, it could turn out just fine. I know I was way too quick to give up last week. So I'm trying not to get all antsy this week. The Universe knows that though, so I think it's deliberately making things even more difficult. I"m almost certain that since I got reassured last week by him showing up on Friday that he won't show up at all tomorrow because I am believing it will happen. Sort of a roundabout argument, but it makes sense in a nonsensical sort of way. See, my theory is this. Something happens. (this can cover any event, thing, or person, it's just something in your life that you like) You begin to get used to it. Soon you realize that you like what is happening. Then when you realize it, it stops. Immediately. No warning. You don't worry, because you are certain that it will happen again. It doesn't. You wonder why, you get grumpy, you whine to the universe in general, and finally after losing your temper completely, you give up and resign yourself to doing without whatever it was, or whoever. Then suddenly, just as you have given up, whatever/whoever it is comes back, just as abruptly as they vanished. You are overjoyed, this is wonderful! You humbly apologize to God, the Universe, and Everything for being such a brat about everything, and say many thanks. The next day...it's gone again. You don't worry, because you know that you worried for nothing before, and that there is no point in getting all worked up this time. After all, everything was fine before, wasn't it? Armed with this sense of security, you wait confidently...nothing happens. Ever. You go through the whole emotional cycle again, and end with declaring that you are not going through that again. Eventually something happens that is exciting again, and you throw caution to the winds and dive right in...here we go again. So that's what I think is probably happening here, because it has happened for the last 33 and three quarters of my life. The only instances in which it didn't, I have been made to wish that it had. Maybe I should take a look at the things I'm allowing myself to get excited about. Oh well, I'll see what happens, and I'll remember that a year from now I won't even be worried about this problem. There might be another problem to worry about, but this one will be long over.

On a brighter note, I had a great conversation with Katie last night, we talked about so much, and I felt so much better. Also, I got to talk to Andrei today, and I heard from Maida. *hugs* I was talking to Lysa before she disappeared, and am still talking to Aimy...I feel loved. I got called in to work today, I was supposed to be off, but I'm glad I am getting the extra money. Now I just need some sleep so I can get over this darn cold.

This is my horoscope for this week.



Something or someone is blocking your romantic progress on Monday or Tuesday, and your natural instinct is to barrel right on through. Tact, subtlety and (yes, breathe deeply) patience make better strategies now, though. You'll find that everything's freer and easier through the latter part of the week -- you may even feel more like just flirting and enjoying yourself rather than pressing forward with any particular love agenda. If you're extra emotional this weekend, you're also extra intuitive -- let that little voice clue you in.


That would explain why the progress/news for yesterday and today is a big fat N-O-T-H-I-N-G. Absolutely nothing happened... I've been extra emotional all right though, it's pretty damned aggravating, to tell the truth. I've never been good at waiting, I always want what I want right now. Lately that has become more the norm, I've regressed just a bit emotionally since my mom got married. Outside I'm still behaving like a mostly rational adult, but on the inside I am having temper tantrums whenever anything doesn't go my way. I think subconsciously I feel a bit abandoned. It actually did kind of hurt my feelings when she said she was going to give me and Katie and John all of our Christmas ornaments and everything related to us. I kind of felt like she was giving me away. Ack, talk about emotional baggage...I'll get over it. I get over everything eventually. The secret of that is to not let anything be so important that I can't let it go. Well, that was the quickie news flash of the day, now I have to see if my work shirt is dry so I can go to work.

Well, I've been back for a couple of days now. I got back into town at 3:30 yesterday morning, had a very brief nap and then went to work at 6:00 in the morning. By the time I went home last night after working both jobs I was falling asleep involuntarily.

The whole trip was great. I got to Katie's house at about 10:00 and got to spend some time with her and Will. They had saved some dinner for me, and it was wonderful. We had a bit of time to hang out and talk for a while, and then we needed to go to bed so that we could get up early enough to go to breakfast, and get ready for the wedding.

The next morning we got up, and went out to IHOP for breakfast. I tried the stuffed french toast, I'd never had it before. I love it! :) Katie got the same thing I did, because that's her usual (Will told me) and Will got a huge omelet that looked really good too. After breakfast, we went looking around at Lowe's and the Tractor Supply, trying to find a compost bin. They didn't have any, so we went back to the house and Will and I had fun playing around with the quizzes on Quizilla. I think I got him hooked. *laughs* When it was time to go, Fern met us right before we left, because she needed to follow us to where the wedding was being held. We had to pick up the cake before we went out to the lake. Once we had the cake, we went out to the lake, and met up with John and then all of us drove to the picnic area where the wedding was being held. Powell's daughter and son in law were already there with their little children, a little girl and a baby boy. They had decorated the pavilion, and it looked very pretty. Mom and Powell arrived in a couple of minutes, and I got to meet him for the first time. He is nice, he looks a lot like my dad. Fern called me off a little way, and asked me how I was feeling about all of this. I was fine really, I think I might have wanted to be a little more informed a whole lot sooner, but it was all ok. She asked me if I had noticed how much Powell looked like my dad, and I said yes, I thought so too. So we went back over to where everyone else was, and talked to my mom for a while. She looked great, I loved her outfit. She wore the necklace that I gave her, the one that we are passing back and forth between us. Everyone decided that since we were all here, we might as well get started. John and mom went a little ways off so that he could walk her up to the pavilion, since there wasn't exactly an aisle to be walked up. I was in charge of starting the music, and had a bit of trouble with that, so Will had to help me out. Naturally the 14 year old had no problem...kids and technology go together. John started walking with mom when the music started playing, (the song was the theme song from Titanic) and I ended up getting just a bit misty eyed at that point. I'm a sap I can't help it. Mom and Powell said their vows, and Katie and Fern and Will took lots of pictures. The wind was blowing really hard at various intervals, and it kept blowing stuff off the table, so I had to pick it all up and then hold it in place so it couldn't be blown away again. After the wedding, we all sat down to eat, and mom and Powell were at one table, newly wed privacy and all that...Katie, John, Fern, Will and I were all at another table. It was awesome being able to hang out with them and just talk, it was very much like old times, except for the part where they were making plans for the next weekend and I knew I wasn't going to be there. *sigh* I wished I was going to be, it sounded like fun. When the wedding party broke up, we all said our goodbyes, and Fern went back to Katie's house with us for a few minutes. It looked like it was going to storm, so she decided to get on back home, and we went inside and Will and I did a few more quizzes, for a while. We were trying to figure out what to do for dinner, and decided on Taco Bell...after we ate, I said bye to Katie and Will and left to come back here. I'll miss everyone till I go back down there, but we'll stay in touch, and I promised Will I would send him Final Fantasy 8 in the mail for when he is ungrounded.

Yesterday was a pretty good day, it was Halloween of course. Gene dressed up like Mimi from the Drew Carey show. He looked so great! I had wanted to dress up this year, but I decided against it when I knew that I was going to need my money for gas on the trip. Next year I'll dress up. Actually, when the customers asked me where my costume was, I told them that I was going as the "sleep deprived wedding guest", because I had just been to my mom's wedding and had driven all night to get back so I could go to work...I said that I supplemented the costume by toppling over and beginning to snore every now and then...they got a laugh out of that one. It was slow at the Galleria, Emmanuel and I were the only ones working, and we spent the whole time sitting around and talking, mostly. We took turns going out to walk around the mall and look at the cute costumes too, and he gave me a massage, because I was really sore and tired.

Today was just the one job at the gas station, and it was me and Garrett. He is fun to work with too. I got to see most of my favorite customers, only one didn't show up. Maybe tomorrow. Missy is going to call me if anything interesting happens, and I might go up there and just hang out with her for a bit. Gaming tonight, but I'll leave early because I have to work at six. I guess that's all for now...

First and foremost, I can't get on yahoo messenger right now, but I need to rant at some point, so be prepared (this goes out to both little sisters, Lysa and Aimy) Due to the nature of the rant, I'm not posting it in the journal, just going to vent to you two, because I know you will understand and sympathize. :) It has nothing to do with my family, no problems there at all. As a matter of fact, I just had a nice long catching up chat with Katie, and got to do a little bit of catching up with Will before he went to bed. They fed me dinner once I got here too, and it was great! We're planning on getting up fairly early, and Fern is going to meet us here and we are all going out to breakfast before the wedding. After the wedding, which is at 2:00, I will have to leave immediately to go back to St. Louis, so that I can get some rest before I go to work at 6:00 Monday morning. I don't know if I'll be able to log on before Tuesday afternoon, so Lysa, if you get a chance, call me...anyway, I'm headed off to bed for the moment, because I've been up since 6:30 this morning. I'm just a bit wiped out.

I was saying that I thought Friday would be very interesting. It was. *grin* If I didn't have to go and run errands I would say more, but oh well, it can wait a bit longer...

I've been up since 6:30 and haven't got much done yet. I guess that's typical. Now I have to get moving and actually do something besides check email and stuff...I'm really excited about this trip, it's going to be fun, if very very short. Don said that he would have come along with me, if he hadn't already made plans for this weekend with his gf and family that he couldn't break. It would have been fun to have him along, but maybe next time. Well, I've got to get moving, (I think I said that before) so here goes...

Just talked to Don earlier, we haven't been in touch since early September. We got to catch up a little, and we're going to get together later next week sometime and go out to eat and watch a movie and get caught up a bit more. Talking to sisters Lysa and Aimy about quests. Lysa's quest is a good one. *grin* I need to find a good quest to set for myself. I'll keep thinking about it. In other news, currently watching "Smallville", it's almost over, there were vampires this time...going to quit gaming most likely, because of various reasons having to do with me having longer hours at work, and also not liking the changes I observed in the game the last time I was there...probably going to bed soon, because I'm sleepy, and tomorrow should be very very interesting. More on that subject tomorrow, after I've seen if it's as interesting as I think it will be. :)

Well, that should be a good indicator of how my day has gone. *laughs* I'm so bouncy and excited about getting to go to Texas and see my family, and watch my mom get married, and meet the man she's marrying. Ok, so the order of the last two might sound a little odd, but I guess that's the kind of thing that happens when families are separated by a couple of states...a few hundred miles...eleven hours of driving...you get the idea. We are a close family, really, we just don't communicate. Much. I got my business cards in, they say "licensed massage therapist". :) I handed some out at work today. *grins and blushes* Aimy and Lysa know the story of that one...who knows how it will end, but so far, it was certainly entertaining. I'm hoping to get some calls back from the cards. *shrugs* It could happen. Today is going so well, that when I was speeding and got pulled over, the officer who stopped me was really nice and let me go without a ticket, as long as I would slow down. Which of course I would, absolutely. *hugs policeman* I love that man, wherever he is, he has my blessings. Today: I love the whole world!

March,
Attractive personality.sexy. Affectionate.Shy and
reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous
and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity.
Sensitive to others. Loves to serve others.
Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and
returns kindness. Observant and assesses
others. Revengeful. Loves to dream and
fantasize. Loves traveling. Loves attention.
Hasty decisions in choosing partners. Loves
home decors. Musically talented.Loves special
things. Moody


What does your birth month reveal about you? (read memo)
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For Halloween you should be an old world witch!!

You are very understanding and knowing. You are
in-tune with all and understanding of things
around you. You are not good nor evil, but
which ever you choose to be.

To Wear: A renaissance dress with a drap or shawl.

Hair: Up in an old style.

Makeup: Pink cheecks and lipstick.


~((What Mystical Costume should You ware for Halloween, and how to make it- for girls-with pictures))~
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